Flirt & Dating

Dating advice for online daters

2013.10.30 20:10 DatingCoachKK Dating advice for online daters

The place to ask ALL your online/mobile dating questions and get answers.
[link]


2012.06.23 16:27 TwoXSex: A space for women to talk about sex with other women

You know those nitty gritty details you can only talk about with your best friend? Well, here is TwoXSex: a place for women to bare all about their experiences, concerns, questions, anything you may want to talk about when it comes to doing the deed (or anything leading up to it). This might include technique, initiation tactics, grooming, "is this normal?," and everything in between.
[link]


2020.10.26 21:51 ThrowRA1256bd9 Should I 24(f) tell my bf(28m) when past hookups contact me?

Throwaway account
So my bf and I have been dating about a year and a half and have lived with each other for about 4 months. We both love each other very much and other than some growing pains when we first moved in, we are doing great and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
Before he and I started dating, I had several hookups with people from tinder. I was in between relationships and just looking for something casual. I had stopped those for a month or so before I started dating my bf and have no interest in being with anyone else now.
I occasionally get messages from these past hookups. Usually starts casual and I always mention that I am very happy in my relationship. Without fail, these guys ask me to cheat on my bf. I shut it down and block them. I always have told my bf because it is something I would want to know (and if I saw it on his phone I would be hurt). He usually acknowledges it but he doesn't seem happy about knowing. He has never told me one way or another if he wants me to tell him or if I should just handle it.
Today, I received a message from one of the guys I had blocked for flirting with me. He didn't actively invite me to cheat, but I felt it crossed boundaries. I got a new phone and I guess whatsapp didn't keep him as blocked. I was nice and said that I am still in a happy relationship (and he is too, the last time he spoke to me he mentioned his gf is pregnant so I thought it was okay to casually chat). I feel weird just blocking him again and being rude to him when he is literally just saying whats up. If he flirts or mentions getting together, I will once again tell him off and I am not planning on having a long conversation, but I don't want to be rude to someone at the same time. My plan is to just let the conversation die naturally.
My question is, should I tell my bf that this guy contacted me, or would that just hurt him?
submitted by ThrowRA1256bd9 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 21:19 foreverthelonewolf Need some relationship advice..obviously

Hello everyone,
I’ll jump right into it and if there’s any needed context please fee feee to ask: my gf who I have been dating the past four months (which has been really great) and I do trust her.. but something that caught my attention was said earlier today and I thought instead of relying just on my own thoughts, a unbiased opinion would be beneficial. She has some friends that are her ex’s or people she has been on dates with (from tinder) and I’m fine with that as I’m not a jealous person but one guy in particular tends to text her quite often. I never said anything about it because coming off as jealous or insecure is just a very unattractive trait imo. I started noticing it two weeks ago when we were driving and her phone kept getting texts and she nonchalantly flipped her phone so the screen faces down.. still I didn’t say anything. She plugged her phone in to charge and he texted again but this time it popped up on my Apple media system; she swiped it away really fast and didn’t say anything. I didn’t say anything about it but it peaked my curiosity a little bit.
Last night I posted something on my ig which I tagged her in and I noticed that name came up under people who viewed my story; so I just asked her about it and since I do not know him and it’s weird he would even go in my page.
She first said, “he’s a creeper and probably just jealous”.
I said “okay, if that’s all that needs to be said, I trust you and if I here was more I know you’d tell me”
I dropped it and a hour later she texted me again and said that
“I told you it’s a guy I went on one tinder date with and decided we were better as friends; he is a player and he flirts with me whenever he’s single but I don’t entertain it. He goes to my school and we have the same major, he’s in my favorite class and best friends with my favorite professor so I try to stay on good terms with him” ....
I don’t fully understand the logic of the story and for the record she never “told me” about him or anything about their past.. which was slightly irritating because I don’t like when people try to tell me to remember things that are false.
Either way, I want to see a future with her, my feelings are very strong; which were mutually expressed and I got invited to go on her families holiday vacation but my intuition and the story are just bothering me.
I haven’t said anything yet and I don’t know if I should but a part of me is telling me this is a red flag.. intuition maybe..
Any advice? It would be greatly appreciated.
submitted by foreverthelonewolf to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 20:50 ThrowRA_username7 Me (23M) and my exgf (22F) are currently really close friends, but I see it as much more

This started about 4 years ago during a summer when I was 19 and she was 18. I had been working at the job for about 4 years at that point and she had just started. I kind of remember seeing her for the first time and having one of those 'wow' moments. I didn't really try to act on it at all, but over time, people started to push me to talk to her. So we talk a little bit sometimes. Probably good to mention that she was in a relationship a few weeks or so before we ended up meeting and my understanding is he was pretty awful to her. We go out with a group and its crazy awkward. Nonetheless, we both decide to try again with just us and see how so that goes. Much much better. We continue dating for a bit and things are pretty great. We do some dumb stuff together but lots of fun. I also lost my virginity to her at some point through this.
End of summer comes around, we had been dating for like 2 months and we are off to college far apart. She is a freshmen and goes out to parties and such, but doesn't handle her alcohol very well. Blacks out on various occasions and generally not always good decisions. I am semi haunted by a previous time in my life so when she tells me how many guys come up to her, I constantly have this concern that she is getting crazy drunk and am worried that things could either happen to her, or she does things and doesn't remember them happening (which did happen on a number of occasions but nothing too bad). I also start to learn about a lot of the struggles she is going through. Generally just a lot of mental insecurity that put her in a pretty bad place. I really wanted to help her all this time, but she wasn't totally in the place to take it so I tried as much as I knew how. After 2 months of school, we decide I will fly down to see her. We split the cost, but I don't have the money so I beg people to loan it to me because I really care about getting this opportunity to see her. I get the money, go down, and we both love getting to see each other even though I know there's the stuff going on bothering her in her head. Shortly after, she breaks up with me because she doesn't wanna drag me down with her. I am pretty beat up and take on some poor habits to cope. Much worse than any other break up. There was something about all of this that from the first time we went out, I always felt something different towards her than any other relationship. I can't handle seeing her name pop up in my life because it reminds me of that different feeling I always had with her, so I block her in every virtual aspect I can.
Some months later, I met someone new and found my now exgf had started with someone shortly after we broke up. I'm happy with my new girl, but exgf and I work together again over the summer and decide we wanna try and hangout as friends a few times. I unblock her for the summer and don't tell my new gf about anything. Although, exgf is still constantly in my head. I definitely miss the special feeling I had with her, but am missing now and pretend its nothing. I also learn that she got help for all of the struggles she was having before and I'm elated to hear that she was able to turn everything around. This all works fine. We mildly express missing each other but have our new people. She gets really upset that I took my new gf to one of our old spots we had because it was apparently special to just me and her and shed never take her new bf there and taint what we had. Another night she is drunk and snapchats me how much she misses seeing my face and other things, then apologizes the next day and gets very sad and I take her out for food to help console her. Later I find that if I would have tried to make a move, things would have been rekindled, but I didn't have any intention of taking advantage of her vulnerable moment. At the end of the summer, I accept its time to move on and block her again.
Two years later (last year), I am still with the same girl, but things aren't really exciting anymore and I'm just kinda content rather than happy. Exgf continues to pop in my head time to time as part of me certainly misses her and knows I always felt more for her than anyone else. I breakdown one night and decide to unblock her and send her a message. She is still with the same guy as well. I really wanna see if there is still some spark with her, but go about it like a fuck boy by trying to just make it a small fling to see what happens. She knows whats happening and plays very safe and never hangs out with me, which I totally respect because I was very much in the wrong and regret considering cheating. But we do talk a bit about life and I remember how much I miss getting to talk to her. My new gf and I graduate school, go separate ways and things don't work out for much longer. I tell exgf because she has a way of making me feel better overall that I wasn't gonna find somewhere else. We stop talking after around Christmas until Covid.
Now with Covid, we started texting again over the summer and I learn that she stopped talking to me because a lot of shit went wrong in her life. We talk about our lives and she mentions how much I have changed since we dated and I've been told this by many others before her. Kind of going from a caring person that wants the best for everyone around me to lacking emotion. I start to learn how much I changed (between her and other friends) and begin to hate who I have changed to after being with the one girl for so long. I work to become the person I used to be and start by trying to "relearn" having emotions. So I open up to exgf because I still feel more comfortable talking to her than anyone else in my life. As this continues, I start to see the old me coming back and start dropping some of the bad habits I've picked up over the years. We video chat like an hour every day now talking about nearly everything in our lives no matter how deep the conversation. At this point, we are mutually very close friends. As I begin to open up again, I start to realize how much I really loved about her and how different I always felt around her. I start to realize what the feelings I have felt over the years towards her really were. It starts to really get to me because I care so much about her and really want to rekindle things. Though I do not want to ruin what she has now, let alone put her through that pain. I care more about her being happy than having that chance with her. I end up telling her everything I feel towards her and how I've felt over the past few years. She feels similarly but not the same extent I do and tries to rationalize that I miss something else, like the memories of us or some other part that isn't actually her. She also has her guy and wouldn't throw that out for me and her, which I wouldn't expect. Nothing changes after this conversation. I try to adopt various mentalities such as its not her that I miss, or that I can't lose being close friends with her now, or whatever else. But none of that works. The fact of the matter is I love her and keeping her in my life. I really hate seeing her with someone else and have had a few times where I drink excessively to deal with it and she would call to help calm me down. It's also good to note that we pretty much snapchat all day long, rely on each other for emotional support, and have all but a scheduled call with each other daily. So over the past 2 weeks or so, any time she gets drunk, she gets crazy flirty with me. Naturally, I do it back as that's who I am and also what I really want. Usually she apologizes for it when sober, but we throw it up to us being naturally flirty. I also learn from her that she certainly has moments where she thinks about what could have happened between us if things were different. She also told me she still loved me, but as a close friend, not the love we used to have. Over the weekend, she got really drunk and talked about how she still dreams of us doing things together and some crazy levels of flirting. About 3 hours after she passed our, she calls me crying and hyperventilating about how she can't remember what we talked about the night before and how guilty she feels. I tell her everything to help calm her down and she feels alot better and acknowledges nearly everything she said as being true. We end up talking from 4am until 10am without any break in conversation ranging from how I feel about her or vice versa to anything else. She also expressed a concern that she is using me because I am willing to call her late at night, and pick up 4 am phone calls from her, since I still love her as opposed to just wanting to be a good friend. I tell her that's what I'd do for anyone and its not just her. I pretty much lie because I want to continue being there for her because I care so much about her happiness and it makes me happy to see her doing so well. Along with these calls, she sometimes reminisces on our old dates and when its time to goto bed, she sometimes asks me to tell her a story to help her fall asleep and how much she loves the way I say goodnight to her. Part of the issue with all of this, is that her bf knows that we talk. But definitely doesn't know even a fraction of the extent of what we talk about and how deep our conversations can be. At this point, I just feel like there is so much about her that I love and I know so many of her flaws and really just look past all of them. I know what I would love is to have that chance to really show her how I feel about her, but I try to be realistic and acknowledge that's not feasible.
So at this point, I am just really confused. I can't imagine that this is a common scenario for a "close friend". She expressed that she is happy in her relationship, but we have also openly expressed that what we have is basically a relationship. I pretty much treat it like one, but one day I have to accept that this is the way things are. We are quite literally closer now than 4 years ago. My question comes down to, what is the best way for me to move on (if I even should?) from this knowing how close and emotionally invested I have become in her? Why does it feel like there is so much going on between me and her than just being close friends? Is there any reason to hang on and see if there really is a chance of a future together?
tl;dr
Girl and I dated 4 years ago and really hit things off. Broke up because she was going through a lot. Both found new people and I kept her out of my life mostly as I still felt a strong connection to her even throughout a 2.5 year relationship with someone else. Started talking again recently, and we are super close now. Texting/Snapping all day then video calls every night. Usually very deep conversation and deeply caring about the other. Not sure what to think since she is still with the same guy.
submitted by ThrowRA_username7 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 20:42 Bobtomalo28 How do I show this girl I'm interested

So there's this girl on my floor in my college dorm. She's really cool and pretty and I'm interested in dating her. Problem is I've never even been on a date before so I'm brand new to everything involving dating, especially the flirting stage. It's still fairly ambiguous about whether she's interested in me, but I'm not even sure she knows that I fancy her so that's probably the issue. I need to know some good ways to subtly express interest, because the only times I really get to see her are when we do hall activities, which means I rarely get one on one time with her. so, I tend to avoid direct flirtation. From what I've gathered, she hasn't had the best past with guys, and has been hurt a good deal by them, so she may be reluctant to date in general. I just want to convey to her that I'm interested and have no intentions of toying with her feelings or just using her for sex or any of that bullshit, but given the current circumstances with Covid-19 its very difficult for me to really even get any time alone with her, so I'm in need of advice.
submitted by Bobtomalo28 to dating [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 20:33 VidaCanhota How to let go of a person from your past

So I'm gonna try to sum it up to the best of my ability. There's this guy I used to go to high school with. We started out good friends and we had a little group that used to hang out and whatever. One time he invited me and another friend from the same group to an anime event. We both went but he eventually left us both there in favor of some other friends he met, disappearing for a good portion of the day. I was visibly upset at that for me and for my friend, but he didn't get why I think. He tried to give me a gift, i believe as an apology, in the next time we hung out as a group of friends, but i was too awkward to respond to it and that was the last time we hung out as friends, that was years ago. Turns out the guy thought I was upset because we kinda flirted briefly and he talked to another girl while we were there. Thus beginning this narrative that I was obsessed with him and wanted him to be with me.
I kind of understand why he interpreted it that way now, but back then i didn't really know what was going on. I went to college and one of his exes was a classmate of mine. One day I saw her around earlier than usual and I turned around, feeling that he was gonna show up (I was right). Apparently that led her to believe that I didn't like her, further pushing this idea that I am obsessed with this guy and don't want anyone near him. Again, back then that didn't cross my mind, but now I understand.
Well a few months pass and I try to talk to the guy again, feeling that maybe we need to make things right. I try to explain myself and am maybe a bit too vague about some things (again, i didn't know what was going on entirely and was pretty confused) and he responds in a very mean, derogatory manner to almost everything I ask. Says I was "apathetic" and that he's reaaally happy with his new gf (back then i didn't know why he mentioned that). I get upset and even more confused at what happened but I end the conversation there.
That's when i did something really dumb. I made the assumption that this guy was stalking me on twitter and posting subtweets about me. I knew the chance of that being true was slim but because of some coincidences in terms of date, I believed it.( I have the tendency to paranoia due to some mental issues) So I tried to ask him about it a few times. First time he acts outraged. Second time, he blocks me. Third time he blocks me everywhere else and says on his twitter that he had to block this "psychotic hater stalker". I get really mad at him and keep screenshots of all his tweets that I think are about me in a folder for super long. We stop talking to each other for real this time. I start avoiding him everywhere because I don't want to be called a stalker for being in the same space as him.
Now fast forward to this year. I realize that I had feelings for this guy and try to confess awkwardly online, to which he rejects me because he's married. I bring up stuff from the past again and he replies with nothing but a thumbs up. And that's it. For some reason, I just can't let go of this guy. I have no idea why. I feel like every interaction with him left me so confused I never knew how to react and because I kept chasing him, I could never get closure. How do i let go for good? At this point I've tried everything. And yeah I know this whole story is incredibly dumb.
edit: i'm 28f
submitted by VidaCanhota to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 20:22 Throwaway0298342 Insecure or Rightfully Skeptical?

I posted this on the Dating Advice subreddit, but thought that this sub could give me some advice too. Tried posting before and got no responses, so hopefully I get at least one on this one.
Quick Background: I [M24] have been dating my girlfriend [F22] for about three and a half years now. I found out she was not faithful about 10 months ago and broke up with her. There was nothing physically sexual, but I think she enjoyed attention from other guys in a sexual way because she was insecure. To be more specific, she sent sexy pics to other guys. No nudes, just bra pictures and flirted. After two months of talking to other people, we are now back together. I understand this was my choice and I need to accept what happened in the past and move forward.
Recently she has a new "friend group" that her mutual friend introduced her to through a group chat. She has not expressly mentioned anyone in this friend group to me or given me any names. Just "this girl" or "this guy". Eventually I wondered why she never added me to it since it's really just a bunch of random people that live nowhere near here. She said she never thought about it and offered to add me to it. I declined because I knew I was letting an insecurity get the best of me.
Here are some things that worry me:
1.) She changed around her Instagram page, deleting pictures, adding highlights of herself after joining this chat.
2.) A few guys have followed her already and liked her pictures (she doesn't have a lot, but they liked multiple).
3.) One of the guys posted a drawing he drew and she liked and commented "Talentedd" with two starry-eyed emojis which I thought was kind of bizarre.
4.) She started posting a little more on her snap story (regular selfies).
I mentioned certain things to her, but I wasn't sure whether to mention Instagram or not. She reassured me she loved me. I feel like I am being insecure, but want to make sure that others do not think this is suspect behavior.
tl;dr: Girlfriend has been unfaithful in the past and I am suspecting she is/will be again soon based on above. I am thinking this is an insecurity, but want other opinions.
submitted by Throwaway0298342 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 20:05 corksncoffee I'm (26F) finally trying to date after being single for my whole adult life, and I have no clue how this supposed to work.

I (26F) have been single my whole adult life. My last relationship ended in my senior year of high school, right after I had just turned 18 and was about to go off to college. Other than my last couple years of college, I haven’t actively tried to date. I don’t mind the quietness and independence, and so far, I’ve spent my twenties getting to know myself and focusing on my career, family, friends, and life. I’m not stranger to the whole ‘sex buddy’ thing; that’s about all I know. I’ve been on tinder on and off for years, and that’s about all I’ve ever gotten off from it. It didn’t really bother me… Sometimes I’d entertain a few people I met off there, but they were always short flings.
So finally, I’m ready to date. I updated my bio and pictures to better reflect who I am and what I’m looking for. I definitely am not looking to be in a relationship tomorrow, but I am tired of the ill-defined arrangements that clearly aren’t going anywhere. I also consider myself to be pretty sex-positive, so I have nothing against casual sex, but I am over that too and it’s no longer a type of “relationship” I’m interested in being in; but again, that’s all I know.
I’ve been talking to this guy (27M) that I matched with on tinder a few weeks ago. The conversation was immediately effortless, and we’ve spent all day every day texting. There’s some innocent flirting, but for the most part, we’ve been enjoying just talking and getting to know each other. It hasn’t turned sexual either. He’s made it clear that his ultimate goal is also a relationship, but he prefers not to rush it and is down for making friends in the process, which is something I agree with. He’s great to talk to, he’s cute, and I think we’ve really been connecting. We finally met for the first time yesterday. I’m not sure if you’d consider it a date because we didn’t go out, but he came over and hung out at my apartment for about 4 hours. We let Netflix play in the background as we sat on my couch and laughed and talked some more. It did feel organic from the get-go with minimal awkwardness, which I was really happy with.
However, I’m not gonna lie, I am attracted to him and wouldn’t have minded some hand holding or cuddling in that 4 hours, but it didn’t come. He pulled me in for a hug at the end and it very was nice. I wouldn’t have minded a kiss to go along with it, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed that a kiss didn’t even seem to cross his mind. He texted me when he got home, and I responded back saying I hope he had a good time. To which he said “I did. It was very relaxing. Did you?” to which I responded “Of course I did!” There was no counter-offer for a second meet-up(makes sense though, since it’s only been a day). And now here we are, the day after, and we haven’t spoken much today at all. This is definitely the least we’ve spoken since matching on tinder a few weeks ago. And it could very well be that maybe he’s having a busy day, but this coincidence doesn’t exactly feel good.
Since I’m new to all this, I’m not sure how it’s all supposed to go. Considering how well our conversations have been going in the past few weeks, I thought maybe he’d want some kind of harmless physical contact, because I know I did, but maybe he’d consider that rushing? And cool as I'm trying to be, he's been quiet today and it’s concerning me. Does it sound like he lost interest? Should I just leave him be? I don’t wanna end up messing things up.
submitted by corksncoffee to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 19:53 docrolling Considering asking wife for open marriage / my story

My story leading to today. I started this as a reply to another post. It became way too long and irrelevant to that post.
In 2002, after my wife turned me down for sex another evening, I decided that I would leave her when my youngest went to college. He was 1 yo at the time. I 1st started to emotionally cheat, flirting with women at work. It was incredibly rewarding, and being appreciated by flirted with back, made me resent my wife even more. I eventually kissed 1 super hot single mom, who was looking to score a rich daddy for her son. I was arranging a getaway with her for a few days at a business conference when...
In 2004 I became paralyzed in an accident. Nothing stresses any marriage like one of the partners becoming an invalid. Although my wife rarely does the bathing, dressing, bladder & bowel care (at most 5x/year), she still does it when an aide flakes. She shops for the household. She cooks. She does most of my laundry. She is my best friend, although I may not be hers. We parent together. We eat dinner together 4-6 days a week. We sleep on different floors of the house. (she got the master. The cripple was shunned to the windowless basement.) We use different bathrooms. I've not had sex with my wife since a trip to Vegas in Sept, 2009. Even before that it was only a few times per year. She denied my advances for years before I stopped tying. 2 hugs, and pecks on the cheek a year, X-mas & my birthday, when I thank her for gifts.
Why does she stay? I earn 15-20x more than she does, allowing her to work part time. She drives a luxury car, lives in a big house, goes to Florida, Hawaii, the lake, the beach, w/o me. Her worthless (financially), stroke-crippled father, lives with us, contributing a few Benjamins per month for everything (his pills cost more). I pay the rest.
Why do I stay? If an aide flakes 1 morning, I could die. I need someone around me with 100% certainty, that I will be cared for. My aides do 98.5%. My wife fills the gap. I'm too pathetic, fat, bald, crippled to find someone to be 100% reliable. That devotion takes a 29 year relationship to generate that commitment.
I first cheated with one of my aides 7 years ago. She was hypersexual, and flirted with me. The 1st time I vastly underpaid her. They 2nd time we met for intimacy at a hotel, she asked for so much, that I politely declined. She dropped her ppm to a more reasonable amount on her own. I did not try to negotiate her down.
I then saw escorts for 5 years, almost always leaving the encounter feeling a little empty. I found a local 21 yo escort who I saw a lot (After an advance, while on a business trip together, she ripped me off for 3 sessions worth.) I then discovered SA searching for a greater connection that I fooled myself into believing I had had with the local escort. Although I have not been able to find a SB who cares for me as so many SB's write about on here, I have found at least 2 beautiful, sexy, intelligent, educated SB's that will at least see me regularly.
So, I have screwed up seeing escorts and SB's enough that my wife must be suspicious. Once I came home after seeing my SB at 6:30 pm, having expected that my wife was coming home at 7 pm. She was already home due to a power outage at her event. This was during COVID, where I do not go to stores, the gym, Club, friends houses due to my increased risk of dying if I contract COVID. She did not question me at all.
Another time I left to "drive to a state park to walk my dog." Actually I was taking my dog to meet my SB in a hotel. My wife was supposed to leave to go to tennis at the club, and therefore not know when I got home, or how long I'd been gone. Tennis was cancelled due to thunderstorms. I returned 4 hours after I had left. I was not wet, neither was the dog. She did not ask.
I've come home to find my laptop open, as I left it, with Google maps on the screen, with directions to the hotel where I was meeting. No questions.
And the greatest: I needed to know that the escort could do my morning routine before she & I went away for five days/four nights. So she came to my house, when my wife and youngest son where here, acting as my "temporary aide" as my regular aide could not make it. (which happens several times / year.) The escort did my morning routine. No comments from my wife. My wife usually does not talk to "the help."
My youngest left for college 3 months ago. I'm considering asking my wife for an open marriage. I would be jealous if she got a BF, but I'm willing to take that gamble to open up my schedule to see my SB more. I dropped my last SB, as she graduated, landed a great job, and our mutual availability was negligible. I want to do overnights. I want dinner dates followed by private time. I want to go out with my SB, but am currently limited to mornings when my wife is working, or 2 evenings a week, when she's at the club playing tennis. The worst case outcome is that she says no and divorces me. I lose half my retirement, half the house, and pay alimony until I retire.The best case is that she tells me that she has known, or been suspicious for years. And then she doesn't ask how I've been paying my SB.
submitted by docrolling to sugarlifestyleforum [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 19:47 _ihaveissues How do you text/flirt on tinder/her and other apps like that?

Hi everyone! I’ve been trying for quite sometime but I find it difficult, maybe I’m second guessing myself too much and I don’t want to seem not genuine there. When people don’t reply I don’t take it personal but can’t stop thinking how can I approach people better? Like I have 0 idea how to flirt and not seem fake/superficial. I struggled with my own identity for quite some time so I guess that’s part of it. I would like some tips on how to navigate meeting gals over those apps and dating. Thanks!
submitted by _ihaveissues to actuallesbians [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 19:42 life_apart A whole set of life skills I have never learnt

My STBXH and I met in sixth form, he was my first serious relationship and I was with him for most of my adult life. We separated at the start of 2020 but for a variety of reasons still live under the same roof. Recently a guy has caught my eye, we chat when I get coffee but I can't work out if he is interested or just being polite to a regular. I'm not wanting to persue any serious relationship whilst we still live in the same house but wouldn't mind a bit of flirting and getting to know new people Which leads me to... A whole set of flirting / dating navigating relationship skills I have never learnt as I've never been a single adult.
How the heck do I do this???
submitted by life_apart to Divorce [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 19:28 justtired90 What the heck was wrong with this guy??

So I went on a spontaneous date with this guy it was totally not planned I went out with my girlfriends to a bar and we invited this two guys to come. My one friend noticed this guy 'Jake" we will call him had his eyes locked on me the whole time. He bought me a drink , talked to me for 3 hours, we split ways because I had to take my drunk friend home, we didn't have time to get each other's information. We finally were able to contact each other, and started talking again. We did some heavy flirting for 3 days I strictly told him I'm just looking for a hook up I dont want a boyfriend, then he randomly started ignoring me? I made sure I wasn't sending to many texts played it really cool, if he wasn't interested in me in the beginning why did he bother looking my direction?
submitted by justtired90 to u/justtired90 [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 19:05 bstillstanding Ex sent a private video of me and him to a friend of mine last year

I know there most likely isn’t anything I can do but this is my last resort to see if there is.
Me and my (23f) ex dated from when we were 15yrs old to 20yrs old. So a few nights ago a friend of mine was telling me about how she was flirting with my ex last year. This is something I knew about so it was not a surprise. He was going behind his current girlfriend’s back and was sending nudes and dirty messages back and forth to my friend.
But I learned something new that my friend never mentioned to me last year. She said that when they were flirting and messaging each other, he sent a video of me and him having intercourse. I remember the day I caught him videotaping and got really upset and made him delete it. I watched him delete it so I never questioned it but he has an iPhone and I’m now starting to think he recovered the video in the “videos deleted” section in his camera roll. I feel violated that he kept the video after all these years, and even sent it to my friend last year. I know she didn’t save the video and it has been a year since he sent it to her so there’s no physical evidence.
I just feel wrong letting the situation be left alone. If there is anything I can do I would like to know. Thank you in advance.
Edit: I live in Texas.
submitted by bstillstanding to legaladvice [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 19:03 NunyaBidnizz68 Approach Anxiety/Nerves

I'm sure it's been discussed a thousand times over, and the same set of tips, tricks and suggestions have been passed around and done to death but.... my problem is still the initial approach.

I want to talk to more people and flirt with more women and ask them out but I keep getting held back by approach anxiety, or at the very least approach nervousness.
I make eye contact, smile warmly, have great banter, and am really funny. I can go in cold, or use a half page bullet points of conversation steering and so far I'm bringing my fail/pass rate down to generally 10 to 1 for getting a date but I still truly truly struggle with the the approach nerves.
Please advise. Anyone got any pearls of wisdom that I may not have heard yet, or a string of words that literally clicks everything into place for me.

Thanks.xoxo
submitted by NunyaBidnizz68 to seduction [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 18:58 jared2294 I [26m] don’t know what to do when my ex [24f] contacts me

So, I’ll try to sum up things very quickly and I’ll preface with saying my biggest mistake is asking for commitment to early and I still wish I hadn’t done that. Bit of background as well, my ex is bi, I am not, she is also open to more love than just your current partner.
Summary: met, asked her on a date, went amazing, kissed. She lived 6 hours away at the time so we got a place midway for 4 days a week later and just spent all that time together and it was truly amazing. During that trip, she said she’s starting to cut off other relationships that she has - guys she’s flirting with, etc. I didn’t have a problem with it, really, never asked her to. Fast forward 2 weeks and she comes to visit and stay with me. Again, amazing. I asked her to be my GF after about a month and a half. She agreed beyond happily.
Another two weeks and she’s moving to where I am because her sister wanted help living by herself, essentially. She stays with me while looking at places and everything is amazing. She finds a place and stays with me until move in. Well, one day I told her I’m gonna check her phone to google something (she agreed) and first thing that pops up are texts and “hey babe” - she was cheating on me. The messages they sent each other were very flirty and romantic. I approached her and she said it was just someone she had never cut things off with yet because she loved him before and wanted to do it in person (he lived back where she was from). I said okay, need time to think about it.
Fast forward a few days and I ultimately decide I want to continue because I understood things happened to fast and I forgave her. Things were never the same. She hid her phone, phone on silent all the time kinda thing. She was having a hard time adjusting to the new city as well. Her ex contacted her asking for things back. We break up a monthish later.
During break up, the reasons were she just needed time for her, things are hard, when I said I needed time she was distancing herself mentally because she thought I wouldn’t take her back, her ex brought up old feelings and she also said “you do things that he never did for me” in a kind way which I still hold onto.
Brings us to now... I get randomly texted or sent TikTok videos from her, I respond but she hardly responds to my responses. We have seen each other a few times, went on a random date once. I picked her up when she was having a panic attack and we drove around. And just yesterday, my friends and I went to her restaurant (at her offer / request) and afterword we just sat on the beach together with her and her coworker (girl). Last night hurt more than I thought it would. This other girl (coworker) and her are close (not sexually I don’t think)... and I’m happy for her but the entire time I just wanted her love and attention. I didn’t act weirdly or anything, but my heart was pounding and I just felt... small. Idk. Later that night she calls me for dog advice too. I just don’t know what to interpret or how to proceed.
This post may be confusing and I’d gladly clarify things, but my head and heart are all over the place right now.
I don’t want to ask her for space because I don’t want to be rude but I also almost don’t want the space? I love her attention, hell I feel like I still love her?
How do I interpret these reach outs from her to no responses?
I think this is one of those things I just have to let be and see what happens, I don’t think a serious talk would benefit anyone.
TL;DR ex and I had a very strong, quick thing that ended due to confusing circumstances but she still reaches out to me. My head and heart are confused.
submitted by jared2294 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 18:34 throwaway12345293892 Am I [M17] getting rejected or is there something I’m missing?

TL;DR: Met a girl online and connected with her well. She plays with me for hours on end since then and flirts with me everyday and does many other things that show she may have interest in me, I developed slight feelings. We call yesterday for the first time and she says some things that hint she isn’t actually interested, but not anything too concrete. Not sure where to go from here.
Some context: I met this girl a week ago playing a video game and we connected pretty well in chat, including some playful flirting. We exchanged Instagrams to stay in touch. Ever since then we’ve been playing everyday for about 6 hours a day at least, and shes stays up very late to play with me since she’s two hours ahead, usually around 3 A.M. is when she gets off. I think I’m developing some feeling for her and would be open to a long distance relationship AFTER getting to know her for about another month or two. (Iowa & Cali)
Now on to my question. We called for the first time yesterday while we played instead of texting/using in game chat. We were on call together for 8 hours. While talking to her and getting to know her while using our voices was nice, I noticed how less flirty she was, and there were some specific things that stuck out to me that confuse me.
I asked her about previous relationships at some point, we talked about it and she was telling about this LDR she had and she mentioned “I hate dating people over the internet”, this kind of made me a bit sad, but I didn’t try and let it get to me because the fact she had been in a LDR before let me know she might not be closed off from getting in another one. After we were done talking about that I asked her if she would be open to a new relationship any time soon and she answered back saying she just wants to chill right now and focus on school. Soon after she mentioned how she has this problem where she has a feeling like she gets attached to people quickly, even though she doesn’t, and because of this feelings she tries to avoid getting to attached, which in turn leads to her just pulling back too far from people. She also said she has never had any real serious relationship.
This really confused me after the call and I reflected a bit on what she said. Why would she say these things to me if she was being so flirty with me before then, all her quadruple texts, texting first, replying quickly, complimenting me a lot, spending so much time just to play with me at the expense of her sleep, shes answered questions to people in the in game chat about me and her even when they refer to us as boyfriend/girlfriend, shes even told girls to “back off” after I’ve been hit on in game.
So now I’m extremely confused on what she wants. Is she just playing with me? I’m not sure whats going on here and if anyone has an idea of what shes trying to communicate with me, or what I should do, please let me know.
submitted by throwaway12345293892 to LongDistance [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 18:25 Mello_18 I'm (19m) worried about how guys treat my GF (18f) at school

My girlfriend has had quite a few BFs before me, and some one of them particularly was very abusive. My girlfriend has just started going back to school in person last week, same school as the abuser goes to as well as a few other of her exes. (I should specify we do not go to the same school) She has already been getting some unwanted attention from guys.
They are rubbing her legs and giving her unwanted hugs, as well as sending her creepy messages. She has told them she has a BF, but that has not done much to stop these guys. Luckily she does have one guy friend that Is not romantically interested in her who has been making sure the abusive ex has stayed away from her (im very grateful to this friend) but im still worried.
She has admitted to me she puts a lot of her value in how guys think of her, and she's been trying to stop. But she also told me she doesn't tell guys they make her uncomfortable because she is worried about hurting their feelings. She still tells them she has a bf, but not that them touching her makes her uncomfortable. The thing is, she seeks out friendships with guys specifically. When I asked her why she said all the girls at her school are largely awful. However, many of these guy friends get the wrong idea of why she wants to be friends with them. Many of them try to flirt or make their moves and get very angry when she says she is not interested in a romantic relationship.
I've tried to let her know how guys may take it when she tried to form friendships with them. Its not her fault, but many guys take her friendliness as flirting. I said she should probably specify early on she is not interested in dating, but she didn't seem thrilled with doing that.
I'm just wondering what I can do. I work hard to support her. She does not want me contacting these guys, or even risk me meeting them. I took her to a restaurant where one of the guys may have worked and she refused to enter the resturant because she felt it would be awkward. I said that it would be ok because the guy would see her with me and then should back off at school, but she still didn't want to go in. Basically, what can I do to better help her see that these guy friends she is making will largely just try to date her, then get ticked when she refuses.
Tldr: my girlfriend has a lot of guy friends who want to flirt with her and make her uncomfortable. How can I better help her.
submitted by Mello_18 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 18:18 REL84 Did I end things too soon? (RE: myself and a man who are both in our mid-upper 30's)

This is so incredibly long and I realize will likely deter most people from reading it. But if there's anyone out there who's willing to hear my story and its details, I would really appreciate some feedback. Bc there were so many odd subtleties in my predicament, I felt many of these annoying details were important. So here goes - I dated a man who lived an hour away in a different city and state for about 5-6 weeks recently. We met on an online dating app. He was never a big texter, which I appreciated at first, bc I don't like when men smother me with texts early on. He has a very busy and pretty prestigious career in the healthcare field. I am also in the healthcare field so I know how busy one can be. While I don't like too much texting, I did find his texting a little too infrequent for my taste, esp since we live an hour away from each other, and I was worried about momentum. He always made the reservations, made sure to know if I wanted to sit outside or not (bc it's getting cold yet we were trying to be careful bc of COVID), always ordered whatever I wanted if we shared, offered me the best or first of anything over himself, etc. All his behaviors seemed to be that of a mature considerate man. We had a fantastic first date and he texted me the next day to pay me back for the uber we shared (we went to separate locations). He then was quiet for 3 days and asked me out on Wednesday for the following Saturday. This pattern continued for a few weeks. We would see each other on Saturdays and then he would reach out again on Wednesday to plan the next Saturday. The first date was 6 hours long, the second date was about 4-5 hours, and the third date was 12 hours. We met in the afternoon and continued through the rest of the day and he invited me to meet up with some of his friends that evening and had a wonderful time. His friends seemed very enthusiastic and actually asked me "so do you usually have 12 hours dates?" in a warm humored way, as if to say "wow, you guys really hit it off". I caught one of them taking a picture of us sitting together and he texted it to my date. I wasn't sure if this was something cute bc he was excited for my date or if it was something else - like did he send it to all their buddies on their group text as some sort of a "hey guys, look at this hot chick our buddy bagged". These guys are quite active on their "bro chain" as they call it. I only say this, not bc I'm conceited, but bc he made it pretty clear he wasn't used to dating someone who "looked like me".
He seemed shy and very sweet, and down to earth but on our third date we ended up having to crash at his friend's place bc we couldn't get an uber. We stayed on his friends futon and the moment his friend went to bed, the man I was dating jumped on me. We had a heavy making out on and off for a few hours. Now, so much of it was super hot and I was really feeling it. But he was incredibly aggressive, so much so that he actually hurt me a few times - bit me too hard, sucked on my tongue so hard it hurt and actually made a popping sound lol, "nibbled" my ear so hard my ear piercings hurt for days. He went for my pants and I told him, gently, to stop. It was only the third date and there was no way, at our ages (in our mid-upper 30's) that I was going to have sex with him on his friend's futon 10 feet away from where his friend was sleeping. It just felt icky and sort of immature. When I told him no he said "I'm just having some fun" (he had had quite a bit to drink that night). Another thing that struck me was that I was fading at one point and I think I fell asleep bc all of a sudden I was aware again and he was touching me and making out with me. I think he may have been doing this while I was asleep??? But it was hard to say bc I was in a fog. He kept saying over and over "omg you are so hot. You are so hot". I noticed that when he touched me over my pants he was very rough - rapid hard rubbing back and forth and it almost hurt. It brought me back to make out sessions with inexperienced guys in high school or college. Regardless, I found most of it really really hot and i was even more attracted to him.
So the next AM I left his friend's place by an uber that my guy called for me. I texted him to let him know I got home ok and didn't hear back for a few hours. I think he had gone back to sleep. He wrote me back something brief but nothing about the previous night. I got the feeling he may not have so much experience and can be shy and was worried he felt rejected and I also needed to make sure we were on the same page bc, again, it felt a little tacky to try to have sex with me in his friend's living room in a very small apartment on the third date and it just didn't seem to align with the impression he gives off. At this point, I was very unsure of whether he really liked me and was a shy guy or if he really was just looking for fun. I had a hard time getting a read on this guy bc of his shyness and the fact that we had a great time and convo on our dates, shared the same values about religion, politics, practicing medicine, and he had very deep ideas about these topics etc. But there was very little communication between dates and the communication we did have felt unenthusiastic on his end. Anyway, I wrote him a couple days later and said I had a great time the previous weekend and that I wanted to make sure he didn't feel rejected sexually. I said it was very hot (which it was, despite the roughness), and I said I actually liked him as a person and didn't want to just jump into sex with him (bc I *did* want to have sex that night) before establishing what we are both looking for. I said I wasn't just looking for fun but am looking for something real. I said if he was just looking for fun, I wouldn't be offended in the least but that I'm in a different place. He never writes during the day bc of his job (something I really respect - he's very focused) but this time he wrote me back midday within an hour or so of my text and he said we are on the same page, that he's not looking for just fun either, and that he likes me too. After that, he texted me nearly every day that week and then asked me out for the following Saturday. I had been waiting to see if my text was going to scare him off but it didn't and it actually made him even more communicative so I saw that as a very reassuring sign.
The following Saturday we had another great long date and I let him come back to my apartment. We ended up sleeping together. He had a slightly gentler touch this time but still very rough rubbing and didn't seem to know how to touch a woman down there. I told him to be gentler (in a very nice way) and he said "I AM being gentle". I thought he sounded a little frustrated but wasn't sure. Then after just a few minutes he said "are you going to cum?" and again, I thought it sounded a bit annoyed. I actually did end up having a small orgasm. I got the sense he didn't believe me or was underwhelmed that I wasn't screaming at the top of my lungs or something. He never asked me what I liked or what got me off and I found that a little strange. Like, if he was so concerned about getting me off, then why wouldn't he ask what worked for me? It felt a little like it wasn't about my pleasure but more about his ego but, again, wasn't sure. I went down on him (something I am good at) and he was incredibly into it, almost even more-so than other guys I've been with and they loved how I did it. He didn't reciprocate, which was ok with me bc I know some people aren't as comfortable doing that to someone at first. The sex was hot but also a bit like a younger inexperienced guy with a lot of "ramming". I am pretty patient the first few times I have sex with someone b/c the first time is always a little nerve-wracking for both parties and you're just starting to figure out each other's bodies/likes/etc. Something that really struck me was that he was ready to have sex with no protection. I stopped him and asked about STI testing and told him the last time I was tested. He seemed slightly impatient when I brought these things up. It was extra surprising bc he is a doctor. And then he asked me *after* the fact whether I was on birth control, which I was. He spooned me and cuddled me really tenderly for almost the rest of the night/morning and caressing my arm with his thumb. It felt really tender and hot at the same time.
Anyway, the next morning he wanted to have sex again (as did I) and we did. We laid in a bed for a little after that and then he turned to me and said, sort of awkwardly, "you can kick me out at any time if you need to do things". I took this as humility and maybe he was afraid he was overstaying his welcome but there was a tiny suspicion that he wanted to get up and go but didn't want to be rude. I smiled and said I don't want to kick him out at all and that I liked him being there. Things were a little awkward once we got up and moving. I was very nice and pleasant and asked him if he wanted me to make some breakfast or go out for some. He said he had to get going. There were other times things seemed a little awkward with him, but it usually felt like it was his shyness. I can be extremely outgoing but I noticed myself getting a little shy and awkward with him at times bc of his shyness, also probably bc I actually liked him. Once our dates got going every week and esp after he had a few sips of a drink, he was so much more relaxed and talkative. Anyway, something felt a little off when he left. I sent him a funny text about a half hour after he left relating to something that happened that morning and he did text back in a humorous way. I thanked him for the previous night and he thanked me back. I said I hope to see him again soon and he didn't respond to that.
Then 3-4 days went by without any texts from him. For me, this is unusual. I have never had a grown man (who wasn't supposed to just be a hook-up) go days without texting me after the first time having sex. It's not about clinginess but about respect/consideration. I have never been someone that gets suddenly needy after having sex with someone. Furthermore, this was a noticeable decrease in communication compared to the previous 1-2 weeks when the texting/communication seemed to increase a bit, esp after I told him I liked him and he said the same back. Wednesday evening rolled around and I still hadn't heard from him. This is normally his day to ask me out again. I decided to reach out and ask him about something I knew we were both watching on TV that night. He wrote back an hour or so later (he usually takes hours to respond, even in the evenings after work). I texted back in agreement to what he said. That seemed to be the end of the conversation. I was getting a distinct weird vibe at this point. The next AM I woke up and saw that he had texted me again about 3-4 hours after my last text the previous night. I had fallen asleep and didn't see it until morning. I just "liked" his text and didn't respond back bc it didn't really warrant a response. Then two more days went by without communication and at this point I thought it was over and felt sad and a bit offended. Until suddenly he texted me on Friday all excited (and with a lot of enthusiasm that he hardly ever used over text with me) bc he found out the fancy expensive car he was waiting to get came in and he had to go to another state to pick it up. He was super excited and asked if I had any plans for the weekend. I was very nice but was a bit cooler. I said I was so happy to hear about his car and that I was just going to be doing school work all weekend (I'm in grad school). We chatted a little about his car but he didn't ask me out. It felt weird that he asked me what I was up to for the weekend but then didn't try to make plans. The convo ended and I thought things over that night and decided not to hold it against him bc maybe he was processing some feelings after having sex for the first time with me and I also got the vibe when we were intimate that he thought he may not have been pleasing me so maybe he was nervous/insecure. However, this is why I made sure to tell him shortly after he left my place that I hoped to see him again soon (to which he didn't reply).
So I decided to take the lead this time and asked him the next morning if he'd be back by Sunday and, if so, I could go to where he lives. He sent a cool response back saying he wasn't sure where he'd be at or whether he'd spend another night with his family in the state he was in. He said if he came home Sunday it would likely be a little later but probably enough time to do something. He said he should know more about his plans by that night. Again, it just felt very lukewarm; a feeling in my gut. I very enthusiastically wished him luck and congratulated him again on getting his car. I told him to send me a photo of it when he got it. The rest of that day and night went by without communication and no photo of the car or letting me know what his plans were for Sunday. It seems small but it was another thing that made me feel like we weren't gaining the momentum in each other's lives. Like, I never knew what he was doing after work, who he was seeing, any day to day going-ons in his life and we had talked about this car since the first date bc he was frustrated about all the logistical issues he ran into in trying to obtain it. I would think if he was so excited and I was so aware of this part of his life, that he'd want to send me a pic. I'm pretty positive he texted a pic to all his buddies on their "bro chain". At times, he sounded a little like a frat guy with his "bros" and I got the feeling perhaps he was trying to be the person he wasn't when he was younger. He is a bit nerdy and was much nerdier when he was young. They also go to bars that mainly college kids and people in their 20's go to and his closest buddy who lives in my city and is a very successful professional seems to drink heavily, at least recreationally.
The next morning (Sunday) rolled around and I was frustrated again. I just kept getting this vibe on and off that he had lost interest or was toying with me a bit. But then he texted me in the morning telling me he was already home and asked if I was still up for seeing him that night. I was surprised bc he told me, if he was coming home on Sunday, it would be later. So I thought, if he got up early this AM to drive the few hours home, maybe he was really eager to see me and had just been playing it cool. I told him I was still up for it and ok to drive to him since he had been driving all over the place all weekend. Again, he made the reservation and even called them to make sure they had heaters outside so I could decide whether I wanted to sit indoors or outdoors. It all seemed very considerate again. So I went and, as always, things were a little awkward when I first showed up, plus I was feeling a little cautious after I felt his behavior after having sex together was a little inconsiderate and immature. I gave him a little kiss to say hi. We went to dinner and started talking and, as usual, we had the best conversation (and really got going after he had had a little bit to drink). He also admitted that he was extremely shy in high school and some of college and couldn't even speak to girls. I told him that was sweet and that girls can be stupid in high school and ignore the sweet guys like that. I mentioned I dated in high school and had some older boyfriends that I shouldn't have had and that I think it's better to be shy about dating when you're that young. There was a musician playing outside for the outdoor diners. He played an instrument that I had studied very seriously through childhood and part of college. My date got up to use the mens room and the musician walked over to my table. I don't know what his intention was but as he approached I told him I played that instrument too and we had a whole convo about that. The waitress came by and began to talk as well. My date returned from the bathroom and I brought him into the convo by telling the musician that my date was also raised in the same state that he was. They chatted briefly about that. After the whole convo was done and it was just me and my date left at our table he gave a small laugh and said, "I come back from the bathroom and there's a crowd of people around you talking to you". Now, I am quite outgoing and since I was a little girl, people have always been a bit drawn to me and always just start talking to me and opening up to me. I enjoy speaking with other people and having warm exchanges, whether it's a server, bar-tender, etc. I am definitely more outgoing than he is in that way but I never carry on for more than a few mins like I'm ignoring him, it's usually with females, and I've never flirted with men in front of him.
We went back to his place and watched something on TV. I could see in the corner of my eye that he kept looking over at me and watching me. It seemed almost like he was looking at me and debating whether he should kiss me or not (again, shyness vibe). We were sort of cuddling, he was rubbing my legs which were almost in his lap. Then he just leaned over and kissed me and we began making out. We had made out just for a few minutes when he asked if we should go to the bedroom. So we went and we had sex. It was better this time but still a lot of ramming and he seemed to expect or want me to cum just from penetration (again, inexperienced vibe). I tried to help myself along. I didn't cum. This is not unusual for me. Like most women, I don't cum every time and when I don't, it doesn't bother me at all bc I love so many other things about sex; just the whole act, process, the feeling of being taken over by someone. Anyway, it was still hot and we shared some dirty talk. Afterwards, again, he cuddled and caressed me. He then asked me if I had paid the musician from dinner over Venmo bc I asked the guy for his Venmo. I told my date that I had given him some money, and my date squeezed my arm and whispered that that was very generous. It felt really nice, like he appreciated generosity in a partner.
The next morning we stayed in bed longer and chatted. He was, again, less animated. Whenever he got like that, I would feel a little like he wasn't as into it. But he did open up a little about some issues he was having with someone at work and we talked it out for a while. It felt nice that he finally sort of opened up about something in his life or something he was worried about. At one point, something came up about the sex and he looked down and said in an extremely serious tone, "but you didn't cum". I looked over at him and said really nicely/tenderly, "oh no. don't put that on yourself. I don't always cum. It isn't always about that for me. I just love how hot it is when we're together and we're still getting to know each other's bodies". He didn't look at me or say much to that. But again, it was confusing to me bc he is fine expressing that he's unhappy about me not cumming but he never asked me what I like, what can we do to get me there. It was like he just wanted to keep doing what he was doing but with better results. I had asked him a few times the first time I went down on him what he liked and can he can tell me anything he doesn't like but he just moaned that everything was perfect. Something also came up about him being ok about not using a condom with someone he hasn't known for very long and he just said "yea, I don't usually ever do that" not sure what that means ?? But again, his tone and demeanor just didn't make me feel like I could talk more about it. There was also a moment when I sat up in bed and my back was exposed while he laid next to me. He touched a tattoo I have on my shoulder and he asked "how many tattoos DO you have?" he didn't say it like he was revolted or anything but I definitely got the vibe that he may not have liked them. I laughed and said I have four and hate two of them and that I warn all young people, especially my patients, not to get a tattoo until they've really thought about it. He made a little comment "so you were like a rebel when you were younger". I guess based on the tattoos and other little things or stories I had told him. I was a bit rebellious when I was in high school and college but not terribly so and I am an extremely driven and a somewhat neurotic professional and grad student now. He, on the other hand, was a reserved all AP classes kind of kid. I don't know what exactly it was but I got a bad vibe again. Almost like I felt a little ashamed and I NEVER feel like that about my adolescence. It's ridiculous. He also mentioned at one point that he was an introvert. I just smiled and nodded. Now, I kept getting the vibe he was introverted but then there were times when he didn't seem introverted at all. He did seem to have a bit of an ego about his job (definitely a doc who likes to be right... don't they all) and a bit vain. I can be vain too. I like fashion and looking nice and taking care of myself, but sometimes his vanity seemed perhaps a bit insecure. He had shyly said a couple of times on our first few dates that he has to go to the gym and work at it bc he didn't get the "good genes" in terms of height, and build. He was always on the thinner side. He also had lied about his height online by about 2-3 inches. I normally see that as a red flag in terms of confidence and honesty but I had ignored it bc we had had such a great first date. I thought he looked great and was *extremely* attracted to him and now that he's older and works out, he has a very nice physique! But he is not considered traditionally "handsome" but he is very very cute and I found him super hot bc of our connection. I also felt he talked about his new car frequently as a slight brag and also mentioned other monetary things like a large amount of extra money he might be getting through his job. For someone who didn't share a whole lot about himself and his daily life, it always struck me that he would talk about these status symbols. I attributed it to normal male nerves and wanting to impress a girl he liked. The night I met his friends, they also were ragging on him about how he always needs to choose a halloween costume where he can show off his arms. I thought it was funny at the time but now I wonder if he really does now think he's some sort of hotshot bc of his large salary, new fancy car, new muscles, etc lol.
Anyway, he was very reserved again and we got up, got dressed, and he asked me if I wanted coffee. I told him I don't do well with caffeine but thanked him. He then walked over to me with his phone and an app was pulled up for a local coffee shop. He said he'd order us coffees from there so I could have decaf. Again, seemed very considerate. We went to get the coffees and he was still really reserved and seemed a little cold. I guess, that's the thing. I have known and been friends with reserved people but I can still get a warm vibe from them. But during these reserved times, it always felt a bit cold with him and it definitely made me feel and behave more reserved. We got the coffees and drove back towards his place. When we got closer, he asked in an unenthusiastic tone if I wanted to come back up to his place for a little. I said "Umm, yea.. I'd like that. I'd like to hang out a bit. You said you had to go to the gym, when do you plan on going?" then he said "well I was just going to finish my coffee and go straight there". He said it, again, somewhat coldly. I was so confused and the whole exchange felt a little awkward. He asked me up but then says we will only hang out for like 5 mins bc he's just going to finish his coffee and then go on with his day? I just felt confused again like I constantly kept feeling with him and I normally don't get confused like this with guys. So I pleasantly said "oh ok. If you're just going to head to the gym in a few mins, I might as well just head home." I was disappointed bc, again, like the previous week we had sex, I would have been really happy to spend a little time with him the day after but he didn't seem to feel the same way. I wanted so badly to go up with him and relax on his couch and hang out. Then I put my hand on his cheek and said I had another great time. I gave him a sweet kiss. When I pulled back, he was smiling but there was something weird. Like it wasn't a nice big smile, he looked a little shy but also something else. Almost worried?? I don't know, but I just got that weird vibe again and I don't get these vibes often from men - I usually can tell by this point whether they're interested or not. I don't normally get paranoid. I normally have the opposite, where the guy wants to spend more time with me and I'm being more cautious in the beginning. I am not used to this power dynamic where I find myself seemingly more interested in communicating and spending time with a guy than he does with me. It felt like another red flag.
I drove the hour it took to get home. I didn't hear from him the rest of the day. He didn't ask me if I got home ok or anything. The next day I sent him a photo of something. He wrote me back about 6-7 hours later after work. It was an unenthusiastic short sentence with no punctuation. I responded with something humorous and also told him something I was excited about that day (it was only a couple sentences), and then said I had just gotten home from work and I had hoped he had a great day. No response. Not even a delayed one; no response to me saying I hoped he had a good day; no response in regards to what I was excited about, which bugged me bc I was always so supportive and animated about the little things he was excited about in his life like his new car. At this point, I felt very very strange. I noticed, even though I didn't text him a lot bc I was trying to mirror his texting habits, that when I did, I would get really nervous beforehand. Almost like I was worried I'd look desperate or stupid for reaching out and that I already knew he wouldn't write back for a long time or would write back unenthusiastically. I usually never feel inhibited like this with someone at this stage of dating, esp when I am usually the more reserved one over text with a man in the beginning. It was an interesting thing to observe in myself. I was quite annoyed at this point and concerned about the future of a possible relationship with someone who lived at a distance and was so uncommunicative and unenthusiastic in between dates. And the fact that we started sleeping together and I made sure to take more initiative the previous week in terms of texting him and making plans to ensure he knew I was really still feeling it and he didn't change his behavior at all. Again, his enthusiasm and communication actually decreased. I would have been perfectly happy staying on the same trajectory we were on before we slept together but the fact that he got colder afterwards was a red flag to me.
So this is where it gets weirder. After he never texted me back and I was on the verge of just giving up on it and thoroughly annoyed at this point, the next day I was at home and had to send money to one of my friends over Venmo. I opened the app and my feed immediately popped up and I saw my date's name. I kind of perked up and clicked on his profile out of curiosity. I then saw that he had zero transactions in the last year or so except for transaction after transaction after transaction with another girl. All the transactions had cute little emojis like cocktails, coffees, food, cars/uber, etc. She humorously mentioned in one of them that this was there routine, how they always split 20:80. They seemed to get a more frequent this past spring, picked up much more through the summer, and then I noticed he had seen her every single weekend for the last 2 months on either Friday night or Saturday morning/day before he saw me on our Saturday nights. He had talked to me about a couple of his friends and the "bros" pretty frequently and I even met a couple of them early on, especially the ones that live in my city/state. But I realized he never ever talked about any friends he had in his city/state, never ever mentioned anything he ever does there recreationally. There were a couple times we had gone on dates and he had mentioned he had already "eaten a little something before he came" and I realized those were some of the days he had seen this girl before me, based on the Venmo transaction dates. He never ever mentioned her, or that he had eaten with a friend before seeing me, never mentioned any of the restaurants or activities he did with her. I found this very very odd. If they were really good friends or something and he mentioned her, I wouldn't find it as weird. Though, I do think it's odd when a man in his upper 30's sees a particular woman every single weekend in a row and they're "just friends". I kept trying to think but there was just no other explanation. I figured out she was 8 years younger and they do not work together but they live in the same city. This is a complete side note and could be absolutely nothing, but on our third date, he had mentioned he had dated someone who was 8 years younger and couldn't stand how many pictures she took all the time and that he felt like she wasn't really enjoying the actual moment. He said he had told her to stop taking so many photos. At the time, nothing seemed that weird, however I noted immediately that he seemed really annoyed just talking about it, almost like it was recent. This isn't hindsight talking, I picked up on this when he told me but it obviously wasn't strange enough to think about it after. Again, could be nothing and a completely different girl from his past, but I found it strange coincidence that this girl on his Venmo is 8 years younger and he was complaining about a somewhat recent person in his life who was 8 years younger and displayed some (in his opinion) immature behaviors. If he was complaining to his "new girl" about his "ongoing girl", that is really really sh***y. This guy is really not into social media. He would harp on it a lot and talk about how he thought it was ruining certain aspects of our culture and how we obtain reliable info. He suggested a documentary to me early on about social media and I watched it and it scared me too. But then I started wondering if he just doesn't use social media bc he's shady. I suppose that's the problem. I kept getting these vague shady vibes from him.
So here is where you may tell me I sound insane. But after I had just about ended it the previous week after he had been, what I perceived as, disrespectful after first sleeping together, and all the other vague lukewarm vibes I got from him, and not responding to me at all the previous day, I decided I was not going to ask him about it, I was just going to end things. It was getting to be too much for me... or rather too little. I didn't feel like there was a momentum building and any minimal momentum we had had actually ceased once we had slept together. I texted him and said this was really hard to do bc I liked him on several levels and have had so much fun with him. I said I know he is introverted and reserved and I actually like that in a man but I keep getting the distinct feeling that there is more to his reservedness with me. I said I don't know for sure what it is, but it's a strange vibe and, from my experience and other reasons of my own [aka Venmo, but I didn't say that yet] it seems like he may have his thoughts and time distracted by someone else. I told him I don't expect or want a commitment so early on with someone, however I do believe in sexual exclusivity while I'm trying to find out what I have with someone I'm sleeping with and I also am not ok with sleeping with someone who has possibly been seeing someone for a while (more than just a couple of first dates). I didn't say this part but I am a realist and know that most of us are likely seeing a few people for 1, 2, maybe 3 dates around the same time but if he has been seeing someone regularly with increased frequency since the SPRING, that's about 6 months. I then said that, unfortunately, these vibes are making me concerned about trustworthiness and just plain sexual health. I said I think it may be best not to discuss further and to go our separate ways.
He took 6 hours to reply and wrote me back close to midnight and just said "I'm not currently sleeping with anyone else, but if that's how you feel then ok. Take care as well." I replied a little while later and just said, I know you don't like social media, etc but I think you should be aware of what Venmo is sharing about your life on your friends' public feeds. So then I was super sad the next couple of days but felt that I made the right decision. However, on the following Saturday, I was curious and decided to see if there was another Venmo payment like clock work on his feed from her. There was, and she just wrote "therapy sesh" with a coffee and martini emoji. I talked to my mom about it, who had agreed his signals were too inconsistent, but she made an oops face and agreed that this was weird right after I ended things with him. None of their transactions ever had even a hint of sadness or upset in them and now 3 days after I broke it off with him he's having a "therapy sesh" with her. Of course it could have literally nothing to do with me. I said "oh my god, do you think they really are just friends and he was confiding in her about this?!". of course there was no way to know for sure but my mom suggested I write him once more, on the off chance that I had read him completely wrong from the beginning, to let him know I was sorry if I came off too harsh. I wrote him and said I was sorry for how I ended things that may have seemed abrupt and didn't give him much of a chance to reply. However, I did feel that I had a hard time gauging how he felt about me at times, and that there was a distinct drop in communication and increase in lukewarm vibes from him once we had become intimate. I said I found this all very concerning about respect, trust, interest level, etc. I said it all came to a head this past week in terms of trust and that's why I did what I did. I said "Was I completely off base? Bc if I was, I think i was hurtful and I'm sorry for using inadequate tact". That was almost two weeks ago and I have had no reply. I wasn't really expecting one.
So I am on here bc I feel completely messed up about this. I have never posted anything on a site like this in my life. I've never been this conflicted about a decision like this nor feel this sort of regret. I read people quite well and pick up on red flags well and reasonably early. When I end things with a guy, even if I feel sad or a little regret, it's clear I made the right decision. We had so many things aligned in terms of values, beliefs, the way we viewed the world, weird offbeat shows we found funny, sophisticated taste in cuisine, among so many other things. I have not met anyone quite as compatible in all those ways and I was starting to have feelings for him, despite my concerns. I kept telling myself I just needed to better understand an introvert. So bc of this and my age, I am obsessing over whether I threw away something that could have been potentially wonderful if I had been more patient. Was I too hasty to think the worst? Did I read him wrong and he really was this little introverted, nervous guy who was trying to act/seem cool? Has he had issues with other women finding him too reserved and I was just another one to make him feel bad about himself bc of it? I had moments where I thought he may have not been confident enough to be with someone like me and was very immature, despite his professional success. I am very friendly, outgoing, I do draw a lot of attention from men (sorry for the arrogance), and I know quite a bit about politics, medicine, I'm well-traveled and well-spoken. I have known multiple doctors before who clearly need a woman who plays second fiddle so they are the "star". Please give me honest but respectful feedback. I just am having a hard time letting this one go. I realize noone will no the true answers to my questions, except for him, and the fact that I'm so worried about it now probably proves I should have opened up a dialogue about it, rather than just end things. If I wasn't prepared to deal with the emotional fallout of it ending and my questions never being answered, then I should have waited a bit longer. I also realize that, if I WAS completely off base, to him, I must look like a paranoid lunatic and he would never want to speak to me again. I don't know. Please be real with me. Please be kind. Thanks.
submitted by REL84 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 18:17 BrotherFluffy Trouble in Toulon, Chapter Ten

Welcome back to Trouble in Toulon! Betrayal's afoot! Dunkerque and the Commander reconciled! What awaits them next? As always you can read it on fanfiction here and view all of my works here. Enjoy!
“And I have your word that no Iris Orthodoxy ship will be harmed?” Algerie cast a furtive glance at the door to the radio room and tried to stay calm. This transmission had gone on far too long, and at some point, someone was bound to notice the outgoing and incoming signals. But she had to secure the terms for her sisters before she could let this go. “No Pawns, no slavery, nothing.”
“Of course, of course,” the confident voice of Littorio reassured her. “As long as they come quietly, they will not be harmed. If they resist, however…”
“They won’t,” Algerie promised. “They’ll come quietly.”
“And the Royal Navy? Won’t they rush to defend their precious Ammiraglio?”
She snorted dismissively and shook her head. “Don’t care. They can surrender or die, makes no difference to me.”
There was a brief pause as Littorio thought it over. “Is Illustrious there?”
Algerie’s brows furrowed in confusion. What did that have to do with anything? “No...why?”
A sad, soft sigh emanated from the speakers, barely audible over the background noise. “I had hoped to see her again. Ah, well. Perhaps I can trade some of the Royals for her if they survive…”
Algerie rolled her eyes. She never understood Littorio’s fascination with that carrier, but at this point, she didn’t really care. As long as it got her what she wanted. “We have an agreement, then?”
Si, si,” Littorio absentmindedly assented. “Although I do have one last question…how do you feel about bikinis?”
*******************************************************************
Of course, while all this was going on, I was on the roof, making up with Dunkerque, and rekindling our relationship. We stayed up there until the stars came out and it came time for both of us to get some sleep, with a promise that we would have at least one more date before the counterattack began.
When I awoke the next morning, I felt a flurry of emotions whirling around inside me. Anxiety for the coming attack, if we could win, and at what cost. Excitement at the prospect of another date with Dunkerque, along with the thought of spending yet another day with her at my side. And finally, relief. She and I had fought, and about something serious, and managed to come out stronger for it. Not only that, but opening up to her was like being cut from an anchor that had been weighing me down. I felt lighter, happier, free.
I idly wondered what culinary joys I would be discovering with her that morning as I rounded the corner to the kitchen, only to find her already there. She had a massive pile of doughnuts on the counter and had just taken a bite of one, closing her eyes as she sighed happily. “Ahhh...sweets can really take a girl to heaven…” When she reopened her eyes, she saw me standing there and immediately jumped, her face flushing beet red. “B-Bernard?! How long have you been here?!”
“Somewhere between the third and fourth Rapture,” I grinned, and as she began to look absolutely mortified, I shook my head and said, “I just came around the corner. I was actually wondering what we were going to make for breakfast as part of our cooking lessons, but it appears you’ve beaten me to it.”
“Ah,” she said, the color beginning to fade from her cheeks. “I thought the cooking lesson would be part of our date tonight.”
I raised an eyebrow at that suggestion. “Not what I was expecting, but I trust your judgment.”
She smiled coyly, stepping closer to me, taking my hands in hers. “A valid concern, but what if I told you the lesson was how to make a romantic dinner for two and the location of the lesson was my apartment?”
My eyes widened at the implication, and my heart began to beat faster. This time, it was my turn to blush. “O-oh. That would certainly cast things in a more...intimate light.”
She gave me an innocent smile, despite knowing damn well it was anything but. “So, no objections then, mon Amiral?” I’m honestly surprised she didn’t bat her eyelashes at that point.
I shook my head an emphatic no, still feeling the hot flush on my cheeks. “None at all. I was looking forward to our date, but now...doubly so.”
Her smile broadened. “Good. That makes two of us. Now, let’s get you some crullers and coffee before your stomach interrupts us for a third time.”
I chuckled as I followed her to the kitchen counter, grabbing a plate and a mug to start loading up breakfast. “I get the feeling the longer I’m around you, Dunkerque, the less I’ll have to worry about going hungry,” I teased. “Gonna have to start watching my weight.”
She laughed her low, melodic laugh as she added a few of the crullers onto my plate. “Oh, I’m sure we can find a few new ways to keep you active, mon Amiral.”
At this point, I’m fairly certain all of my blood had managed to pool in my cheeks, but I still managed to put on my most charming smile and flirt back. “You certainly have a way of getting my blood pumping.”
“Smooth talker,” she cooed, leaning in to plant a kiss on my cheek. “Come now, let’s eat and get ready. We have an assault to finalize.”
******************************************************************
It was, admittedly, damn hard to get tonight out of my head, but once we’d had breakfast and really got into the planning stages, I had managed to completely refocus. The idea of someone being hurt, or worse, sunk, because I wasn’t paying complete attention has a rather sobering effect. I also stopped by Algerie’s quarters and squared things away with her before our final briefing on the assault. She seemed rather eager, albeit a bit nervous. Understandable, given the fact that she was going to be in charge of the scouting force, and how dependent we would be on her as a result.
Once the final briefings and planning had been finished, I released each kansen for the rest of the day, to make any last-minute preparations before tomorrow morning. A large group headed off to the cathedral, to pray for everyone’s safe return and a victory over the Sardegnians. Algerie notably declined, heading off somewhere on her own. Dunkerque headed to the base kitchen, to go make “pre-battle treats” for everyone. As for myself, I stayed in the office, made sure everything had been filed and logged, and that there were standing orders ready in case I didn’t return. Once that was complete, I decided to check up on Jean Bart and Richelieu, suspecting the Cardinal had gone to spend a few moments with her sister.
As it turned out, I was correct, and found Richelieu in the medical wing once more, silently praying for Jean Bart’s recovery. This time, however, she failed to notice me until I quietly knocked on the open door to get her attention.
“I hope I’m not intruding,” I began, “Mind if I come in?”
The Cardinal shook her head and patted the chair next to hers. “Not at all,” she answered. “Please, take a seat, mon Commandant.”
I slipped inside, sitting next to her with a sympathetic smile. “I wanted to come check on you two, see how you were doing, and to give you my thanks for your help yesterday. I owe you one, there.”
A soft smile crossed her elegant features and she bowed her head slightly. “I’m glad I could help. I trust you two were able to work things out?”
“We did,” I nodded. “I think we made a pretty significant breakthrough, actually.”
“That’s good!” Her smile died as she looked back at Jean Bart, still lying motionless in her hospital bed. “Now if only my sister would wake…”
“Still no changes, huh?”
Non,” she shook her head sadly. “Nothing. I just wish there was some way to get through to her.”
I looked at the sleeping pirate and asked, “Have you tried talking to her?”
“Talking to her?” she repeated in a confused tone, “She’s in a coma.”
“I know. But I’ve heard stories of comatose people being able to recognize and remember things that were said around them. Maybe if you say something to her, she’ll come around?”
Richelieu looked over at me, a faint glimmer of hope in her eyes. “Do you think it will work?”
I shrugged. “Couldn’t hurt.”
She looked over at Jean Bart, staring at her for several long moments before speaking again, her voice as soft and as frail as I’ve ever heard it. “...what do I even say?”
For me, the answer came immediately. “Tell her everything you’d say to her if you had only one more chance before she left for good. Everything you’ll miss about her, everything you’re sorry for, everything you didn’t mean, and everything about her that meant so much to you. And then ask that this won’t be the last thing you say to her.”
She peered at me and then nodded slowly. “You sound as if you speak from experience.”
The old pain came back, but this time duller, more muted than before. It was a welcome change of pace. I nodded back and gave her a sad, wry smile. “Something like that.”
She smiled back, echoing the pain in my expression. “Very well, then. I will tell her, and I hope, one day, you will tell me about...your own struggles.”
“One day,” I replied as I stood up. “But not today. I’ll give you two some privacy. Until tomorrow, Cardinal.”
“Until tomorrow, mon Commandant.”
********************************************************
The sun had already set by the time I knocked on Dunkerque’s door, the last red rays fading into the darkening purple of twilight. I desperately wanted to adjust my tie, to make sure I was presentable but with a bottle of wine in one hand, and my overnight bag in the other, I simply had to wait the long, torturous seconds it took for Dunkerque to answer and trust that all was well.
The door opened just enough for my beautiful kansen to peer around it, the hesitant smile on her face blossoming into a full-blown grin when she sees me. “Ah, there you are, Bernard,” she greeted me, fully opening the door to allow me in. “Glad to see you found the place alright.”
I smiled back as I walked in, taking a moment to glance around the apartment before returning my attention to my gracious host. She was wearing a black dress that both flowed over and accentuated her curves, the skirt stopping just above the knee. Atop the dress, she wore an apron emblazoned with the symbol of the Iris Orthodoxy. “Yep,” I absently said, somewhat distracted by her outfit. “The directions were easy to follow, and if I may be so bold, you look amazing in that.”
“You are too kind, mon amour,” she demurred, her eyes glancing down for a moment, then back again as she saw what was in my hands. She gave me a playful smile and said, “And I see you have brought gifts.”
It took my brain a second to catch up with what she was talking about, as enamored by I was by her beauty. “Oh, yes, right!” I softly exclaimed as it clicked into place, earning a giggle from her. I hefted the wine bottle, holding it out for her to take. “Thought about flowers, but I thought wine would be more appropriate, considering this is also a cooking lesson.”
“I think it is an excellent idea,” she smiled as she took the wine, glancing at the label. “Oh, and this will pair perfectly with dinner. Very nice vintage, too…” Her rosy eyes turned back to my hands, gesturing to the bag still clutched nervously in them. “And that?” she asked, her expression still playful.
My cheeks flushed as I lifted it slightly, the once-light bag now suddenly feeling like an anchor in my hands. “O-oh!” I stammered, my nerves beginning to get the better of me. “I, uh...I brought an overnight bag in case things got a little...more intimate...so we could just head down to the docks in the morning together.” Something just occurred to me at that moment, and my heart began to race. “That is if I’m not being too presumptuous…”
She giggled softly and shook her head as she walked over to me, cupping my cheek with her hand as she leaned in for a gentle kiss. “Not at all, mon amour,” she reassured me. “That was exactly my intention when I invited you over, and I think it’s a wonderful idea. Now, put that in the bedroom and come join me in the kitchen. I’ve prepared everything we’ll need for our lesson.”
I quickly made my way down the short hallway to what I correctly assumed would be her bedroom and tossed the bag in, making sure it landed somewhere that neither of us would trip over it later, then hurried back to the kitchen. Dunkerque was waiting for me there with an extra apron in her hands. “You should probably take off your jacket and roll up your sleeves for this one.”
As I hung my jacket over the back of a nearby chair and rolled up my sleeves, I tried to peer around her, to see what exactly was on the menu. She caught me trying to sneak a peek and clucked her tongue. “Now now, Bernard, you’ll see what it is soon enough.”
“Can’t blame a guy for being curious,” I chuckled as I finished rolling up my sleeves. She offered the spare apron to me with a smile and I tied it on, ready to begin the lesson.
“Your patience will be rewarded, mon amour, I promise you,” she replied, her tone leaving little to the imagination as to what that reward might be. “All set?”
“All set.”
“Then let us begin. Have you had popovers before?”
For a second, I thought she was calling the breakfast treat by the wrong name, but I quickly realized she was talking about something completely different and shook my head. “I’ve never even heard of popovers before. What are they?”
“It’s a very light, airy baked good,” she explained, “Sort of like a dinner roll, but eggier, lighter. You’ll like them.”
“You haven’t let me down yet, so I’m willing to go on a little faith,” I said, drawing a surprised, yet victorious, smile from her.
“Only a little?” she teased.
“Old habits die hard,” I shrugged and my smile died somewhat as something occurred to me. “In all seriousness, though, it really is one thing I’ve learned from you and the other Iris kansen-to have faith, but it has been the hardest lesson to learn.”
Her smile changed, becoming compassionate and warm as she nodded knowingly. “I understand. Faith is something that challenges all of us, no matter how devout or how steadfast our devotion is. It is a lesson that we are always learning.”
I bowed my head respectfully to her and said, “Once again, I am so lucky to have such a beautiful and learned teacher.”
She laughed and shook her head, her silvery hair rippling. “Such a charmer. Now, onto our cooking lesson. Have you used a blender before?”
“I have, actually,” I answered, much to Dunkerque’s great surprise. “Margaritas,” I explained, answering her unspoken question.
“Ah. Well, we won’t be making drinks in it, but the principle is the same.” She gestured over to the assembled ingredients sitting around the appliance. “To begin, we’re going to blend the eggs, milk, and butter…”
******************************************************************
A little over half an hour later, we sat down for dinner at the small table in Dunkerque’s dining room. In addition to the popovers, which were still steaming, we had made red smashed potatoes, grilled asparagus, and filet mignon. Once again, I was amazed at how easy she had made it look, and how easily I had taken to it. I smiled over at her, and she smiled back, looking stunning in the flickering glow of the candlelight. My wine glass in hand, I held it aloft and out to her as I said, “To a beautiful evening with a beautiful woman. To us.”
“To us,” Dunkerque echoed and tapped her glass against mine. “So, what do you think of the meal?”
I looked over it again and shook my head in disbelief. “I still can’t believe we were able to put this together. It looks amazing, and I’m pretty sure it’ll taste as good as it looks.”
“Let’s find out,” she grinned at me and cut into her filet, holding the morsel of food up to inspect it before taking a bite. Her grin broadened and she nodded approvingly. “Simply heavenly.”
I wasted no time in following suit, slicing into the steak with surprising ease. Inside was a perfect pink center, glistening with juices, and the aroma that wafted up to my nostrils made my mouth water. I took a bite and immediately sighed happily. The buttery, savory, and almost impossibly tender hunk of meat practically melted in my mouth. “Oh my god,” I muttered, “That’s so good.”
Dunkerque merely smiled back and we continued to eat our meal in relative silence until our plates had been cleared. Taking a sip of wine to clear her throat, she was the first to speak up. “Not to bring down the mood, but how are you feeling about tomorrow?”
“A little nervous,” I answered, shrugging slightly. “That plan has a lot of moving parts, and if even one of them is compromised or just outright fails, we’re going to be in a lot of trouble. If everything goes off without a hitch, we’ve just secured the Mediterranean for Azur Lane, possibly for good.” I chuckled softly. “For what it’s worth, I felt confident enough to tell this plan to High Command instead of just going for it.”
She giggled, leaning forward to rest her head on her hands. “And what did they say?”
“They had their concerns, but they trust me enough to let me go through with it.”
“Good,” Dunkerque stated with an authoritative nod. “I think you’ve earned their trust by now.”
“And you,” I asked, “How do you feel about tomorrow?”
She sighed and leaned back in her chair, her smile fading a bit as she searched her feelings. “About the same. Nervous, but hopeful. If we win, we will have managed to fully secure our home, or at least part of it, from the Crimson Axis. Reunited with our sisters, safe in our home ports at last...it was a dream that I almost didn’t believe would actually happen…”
“The Iris/Vichya conflict loomed over everyone, to be honest,” I agreed. “As I’ve said before, we never considered you to be our enemies. Just allies gone astray after a terrible, terrible mistake.”
Dunkerque’s hand strayed to her side, her smile dying completely as she remembered the terrible events of that day. Realizing what I’d done, I quickly apologized. “I’m sorry, Dunkerque, I didn’t mean to make you relive that…”
She shook her head as she smiled softly at me. “It’s quite alright, Bernard. As I have said before, if it is what got me to now, then some good came of it. But enough of these maudlin thoughts,” she declared, getting up from her chair and extending her hand to me. “Would you care to join me on the balcony for some dancing?”
While she didn’t quite seem as though she was over it, I wasn’t about to start an argument with her and further bring down the mood. I smiled back up at her as I stood, taking her hand in mine. “It would be my pleasure.”
She led us to the living room where a massive set of french doors gave us a breathtaking view of the city, all lit up against the night sky. I couldn’t help but marvel at it while Dunkerque slipped from my hand, striding over to an old record player, her hand gently lowering the needle onto the spinning vinyl disc.
“You’ll forgive a girl her eccentricities,” she smiled at me when she saw me glancing her way. “But I think the little crackles and pops add a bit more character to the music.”
“And I think a girl’s eccentricities add a bit more character to her,” I winked, and she blushed as she took me in her arms again. The music began to play, and we began to glide around the small space, looking into each other’s eyes. Despite the smile on her face, and the gentle sway of her body, I could see in those rosy eyes there was something still on her mind, something else she wanted to say.
As I thought of a way to gently broach the subject, she sighed and rested her chin on my shoulder, her arms wrapping around me in a tender embrace. “Bernard, do you think if...if all this hadn’t happened...Mers-el-Kabir, the Sirens, the Pawns, all of it...would we have still met?” she asked, her voice barely above a thoughtful whisper.
The question took me off guard, and I almost lost a step as I pondered it. As much as I wanted to say ‘yes’, to assure her that fate would have brought us together, I wasn’t so sure. “I don’t know,” I answered honestly, feeling the pang of regret in my heart as I said those words. “I want to say yes, but if all those things don’t happen, I’m not sure if we’d even meet… And I don’t like the thought of that. I know it’s been barely a week, but you’ve filled the parts of me that I didn’t even know were missing, and I can’t imagine a part of my life that doesn’t have you in it.”
She nodded, and I could have sworn I heard her sniffle before she spoke again. “I feel the same way. Perhaps I could have been spared such pain, but...if I only was able to meet you in the present because of my suffering in the past, I won't say things like ‘I wish I had met you sooner.’ However, I do hope that in the future, I will always be able to find solace in your embrace.” She lifted her head off of my chin and looked me in the eye once again, her gaze full of hopeful love. “Bernard, can I stay by your side forever?”
“For as long as you will have me, mon amour,” I whispered back. “I love you, Dunkerque.”
“And I love you, Bernard. From now until eternity…”
Our lips met in a fiery kiss, the dance forgotten as we began an embrace of a much more intimate nature…
*************************************************************
The next morning, we strolled down to the docks, hand in hand, our fingers intertwined with each other. More than a few of the kansen noticed something different between us, and we got a fair share of knowing looks, nods of approval, and playful winks. We blushed at the reactions, sharing an embarrassed grin, but still over the moon at our now consummated relationship. We strode up the gangplank, finally releasing each other when the time came to prepare the ship to get underway.
The holotable in Dunkerque’s bridge flickered to life, and I began the checklist to make sure the fleet was assembled and ready while Dunkerque ran checks on her own systems. Once the final preparations were complete, we set sail, Algerie at the head of the scouting force, leading us to what would hopefully be the final battle of the Mediterranean campaign and securing Toulon for the Iris Orthodoxy, once and for all…
A/N-Well, here we are. Almost at the very end. Just one more chapter, one more battle, and this tale will come to its conclusion at long last. But will it be a comedy or a tragedy? Only one way to find out. Until next time, fair winds and following seas!
submitted by BrotherFluffy to AzureLane [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 18:04 throwaway12345293892 Am I [M17] getting rejected or is there something I’m missing?

TL;DR: Met a girl online and connected with her well. She plays with me for hours on end since then and flirts with me everyday and does many other things that show she may have interest in me, I developed slight feelings. We call yesterday for the first time and she says some things that hint she isn’t actually interested, but not anything too concrete. Not sure where to go from here.
Some context: I met this girl a week ago playing a video game and we connected pretty well in chat, including some playful flirting. We exchanged Instagrams to stay in touch. Ever since then we’ve been playing everyday for about 6 hours a day at least, and shes stays up very late to play with me since she’s two hours ahead, usually around 3 A.M. is when she gets off. I think I’m developing some feeling for her and would be open to a long distance relationship AFTER getting to know her for about another month or two. (Iowa & Cali)
Now on to my question. We called for the first time yesterday while we played instead of texting/using in game chat. We were on call together for 8 hours. While talking to her and getting to know her while using our voices was nice, I noticed how less flirty she was, and there were some specific things that stuck out to me that confuse me.
I asked her about previous relationships at some point, we talked about it and she was telling about this LDR she had and she mentioned “I hate dating people over the internet”, this kind of made me a bit sad, but I didn’t try and let it get to me because the fact she had been in a LDR before let me know she might not be closed off from getting in another one. After we were done talking about that I asked her if she would be open to a new relationship any time soon and she answered back saying she just wants to chill right now and focus on school. Soon after she mentioned how she has this problem where she has a feeling like she gets attached to people quickly, even though she doesn’t, and because of this feelings she tries to avoid getting to attached, which in turn leads to her just pulling back too far from people. She also said she has never had any real serious relationship.
This really confused me after the call and I reflected a bit on what she said. Why would she say these things to me if she was being so flirty with me before then, all her quadruple texts, texting first, replying quickly, complimenting me a lot, spending so much time just to play with me at the expense of her sleep, shes answered questions to people in the in game chat about me and her even when they refer to us as boyfriend/girlfriend, shes even told girls to “back off” after I’ve been hit on in game.
So now I’m extremely confused on what she wants. Is she just playing with me? I’m not sure whats going on here and if anyone has an idea of what shes trying to communicate with me, or what I should do, please let me know.
submitted by throwaway12345293892 to teenagers [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 18:03 throwaway12345293892 Am I [M17] getting rejected or is there something I’m missing?

TL;DR: Met a girl online and connected with her well. She plays with me for hours on end since then and flirts with me everyday and does many other things that show she may have interest in me, I developed slight feelings. We call yesterday for the first time and she says some things that hint she isn’t actually interested, but not anything too concrete. Not sure where to go from here.
Some context: I met this girl a week ago playing a video game and we connected pretty well in chat, including some playful flirting. We exchanged Instagrams to stay in touch. Ever since then we’ve been playing everyday for about 6 hours a day at least, and shes stays up very late to play with me since she’s two hours ahead, usually around 3 A.M. is when she gets off. I think I’m developing some feeling for her and would be open to a long distance relationship AFTER getting to know her for about another month or two. (Iowa & Cali)
Now on to my question. We called for the first time yesterday while we played instead of texting/using in game chat. We were on call together for 8 hours. While talking to her and getting to know her while using our voices was nice, I noticed how less flirty she was, and there were some specific things that stuck out to me that confuse me.
I asked her about previous relationships at some point, we talked about it and she was telling about this LDR she had and she mentioned “I hate dating people over the internet”, this kind of made me a bit sad, but I didn’t try and let it get to me because the fact she had been in a LDR before let me know she might not be closed off from getting in another one. After we were done talking about that I asked her if she would be open to a new relationship any time soon and she answered back saying she just wants to chill right now and focus on school. Soon after she mentioned how she has this problem where she has a feeling like she gets attached to people quickly, even though she doesn’t, and because of this feelings she tries to avoid getting to attached, which in turn leads to her just pulling back too far from people. She also said she has never had any real serious relationship.
This really confused me after the call and I reflected a bit on what she said. Why would she say these things to me if she was being so flirty with me before then, all her quadruple texts, texting first, replying quickly, complimenting me a lot, spending so much time just to play with me at the expense of her sleep, shes answered questions to people in the in game chat about me and her even when they refer to us as boyfriend/girlfriend, shes even told girls to “back off” after I’ve been hit on in game.
So now I’m extremely confused on what she wants. Is she just playing with me? I’m not sure whats going on here and if anyone has an idea of what shes trying to communicate with me, or what I should do, please let me know.
submitted by throwaway12345293892 to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 18:03 throwaway12345293892 Am I [M17] getting rejected or is there something I’m missing?

TL;DR: Met a girl online and connected with her well. She plays with me for hours on end since then and flirts with me everyday and does many other things that show she may have interest in me, I developed slight feelings. We call yesterday for the first time and she says some things that hint she isn’t actually interested, but not anything too concrete. Not sure where to go from here.
Some context: I met this girl a week ago playing a video game and we connected pretty well in chat, including some playful flirting. We exchanged Instagrams to stay in touch. Ever since then we’ve been playing everyday for about 6 hours a day at least, and shes stays up very late to play with me since she’s two hours ahead, usually around 3 A.M. is when she gets off. I think I’m developing some feeling for her and would be open to a long distance relationship AFTER getting to know her for about another month or two. (Iowa & Cali)
Now on to my question. We called for the first time yesterday while we played instead of texting/using in game chat. We were on call together for 8 hours. While talking to her and getting to know her while using our voices was nice, I noticed how less flirty she was, and there were some specific things that stuck out to me that confuse me.
I asked her about previous relationships at some point, we talked about it and she was telling about this LDR she had and she mentioned “I hate dating people over the internet”, this kind of made me a bit sad, but I didn’t try and let it get to me because the fact she had been in a LDR before let me know she might not be closed off from getting in another one. After we were done talking about that I asked her if she would be open to a new relationship any time soon and she answered back saying she just wants to chill right now and focus on school. Soon after she mentioned how she has this problem where she has a feeling like she gets attached to people quickly, even though she doesn’t, and because of this feelings she tries to avoid getting to attached, which in turn leads to her just pulling back too far from people. She also said she has never had any real serious relationship.
This really confused me after the call and I reflected a bit on what she said. Why would she say these things to me if she was being so flirty with me before then, all her quadruple texts, texting first, replying quickly, complimenting me a lot, spending so much time just to play with me at the expense of her sleep, shes answered questions to people in the in game chat about me and her even when they refer to us as boyfriend/girlfriend, shes even told girls to “back off” after I’ve been hit on in game.
So now I’m extremely confused on what she wants. Is she just playing with me? I’m not sure whats going on here and if anyone has an idea of what shes trying to communicate with me, or what I should do, please let me know.
submitted by throwaway12345293892 to Crushes [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 17:58 Designer_Wing1460 Is this normal?

Hey guys I'm just lost right now. I dont feel comfortable talking about personal stuff to people I know so I thought why not just ask a bunch of strangers lmao. I have a lot of questions so here I go:
1.) I have been talking to this girl for around 1 year now (as friends). Recently things have escalated between us and I would say we are slightly more than friends. But the issue is, she has admitted that she only likes me for the attention. Things have felt really repetitive with her aswell. Its difficult for me to even arrange plans with her because she always says no to things, but she always initiates conservation with me daily and is a bit flirty. She said she doesnt want to be in a relationship with me, doesnt want to be fwb, and when I ask her what we are she says she is not sure. She is a type of girl who goes to parties and hookup up with random guys every weekend as well as flirt with many guys irl (not trying to sound judgemental, just giving you an idea - I'm probably the least judgemental person). We are on and off. I have no previous experience with girls so I'm not sure if this type of stuff is normal or not. 1 thing that makes me a lil sad is that she doesnt even like/notice one of my qualities. I like to think I have been a great listener, understanding, funny, confident, positive but it feels like she doesnt even recognise any of it. I'm not saying she is obligated to like me or anything due to having those qualities, but a slight recognition for even acting as a good friend would have made me happy (sounds so arrogant I know) but what should I do? Is she just wasting my time? Should I try harder? Is this just a normal process ever potential couple goes through? The only girl to ever give me a chance though, so I will forever appreciate her for that
2.) Life in general feels so repetitive. Work then uni then gym then fifa/netflix then sleep and repeat. I get so bored of the same routine and it can drive me insane sometimes. Does everyone feel like this? Is this what a happy individual feels like aswell? If not what can I change and/or add in my lifestyle?
3.) I am trying to be better. Better haircut, more confidence, more in shape, smelling nice etc. All for people to give me a chance. Just feels like everyone looks down on me and no one wants to really be my friend or date me. Every girl looks at me like I'm some sort of creep. One instance at work i approached this girl being friendly to help her out in the hopes of making a new friend. Never seen her again. The more i ignore females, the more they stay in the area im in. But as soon as I try to befriend a girl they all try their best to ignore me. I use to be a confident, popular and charismatic kid in preschool. I feel like those qualities are still within me but its killing me that I haven't been able to show it as much all these years. I just feel like I have all this potential but there is this massive wall that has blocked me off for so long. And im stuck behind it alone dying in the inside. Just need some guidance and advice. I never talk about personal stuff to even the closest of friends and family because I know they will eventually tell someone. And what do I get out of that?
Anyways whats wrong with me? Sorry if the way I wrote this came across as a little rude or selfish
Ps if you read this, I appreciate you
submitted by Designer_Wing1460 to selfimprovement [link] [comments]